


Step Into Christmas With Me

by Aleatory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Destiel, Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobic John Winchester, Human Gabriel (Supernatural), M/M, Sharing a Bed, bringing a partner home for christmas, oops real feelings!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleatory/pseuds/Aleatory
Summary: In need of a way to piss off his dad, Sam Winchester has recruited friend-of-a-friend and professional troublemaker Gabriel Novak to be his fake boyfriend when he goes home for the Christmas break. This is meant to be a very simple plan - show up with a surprise plus one, rub his bisexuality in dad's face, and never be forced to hang out with Gabriel again.But then Sam gets a little crush. And things get complicated.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 54
Kudos: 171





	1. December 14th

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Christmas fic! I've decided to embrace the inherent cringe of writing spn fic in 2020 and this is where we're kicking things off. Pieces of this were posted on tumblr back in 2017, but this time I have an ending in mind and we're gonna go there.  
> Very loosely based on that infamous craigslist post "Alone on thanksgiving? Mad at your dad?" Title is obviously from the underappreciated (imo) Elton John song. Get festive with me, won't you?

Sam didn’t catch a single word of today’s history lecture, and that was saying something, because it was nearly finals and he was determined to keep up his streak of 4.0 semesters. Today however, he was lost in thought, weighing his options. He had an impressive list of pros and cons scribbled in his notebook next to last Thursday’s lecture notes, but he still couldn’t come to a solid conclusion. He glanced up at the source of his dilemma again. One row in front of him and three seats to the left sat Gabriel Novak, campus troublemaker. From what he’d heard, Novak was also campus slut, campus dealer, campus petty thief, campus vandal – pretty much, if you needed something unscrupulous done, he’s where you would turn. Right now, Sam needed as much chaos as he could get his hands on.

Freshman year had been a wild ride of self-discovery. After breaking up with his girlfriend, Jess, he’d rebounded by making out with the guy who set them up, Brady, and realized quickly that he was into dudes, too. That certainly didn’t matter to anyone in his friend circle, but when he’d told his father, he’d found himself thrown out on his ass. He’d stayed on campus that summer and hadn’t been home since. In his absence, his older brother Dean had slowly been warming up dear old dad to the idea of Sam coming home for Christmas. While Sam wanted to go back for the sake of seeing the rest of the family, every time he thought about looking his dad in the eye, he got the urge to punch something. That was also saying something, as Sam had never thrown a punch in his life.

More than anything, Sam wanted to rebel. He wanted to be very smug about the fact that his dad had absolutely no control over his actions and reputation meant nothing to him. But dropping his grades was a terrible idea when he wanted to get into law school one day, and he had no interest in drugs or excessive alcohol. His best answer was bringing a boy home for Christmas dinner. He’d thought of the idea over the weekend and dismissed it because he was single and couldn’t think of anyone to pass off as a boyfriend, but walking into class, he’d exchanged casual greetings with Gabriel Novak and thought, “perfect.” Gabriel smoked. He was loud and crude and wild, a regular at every party. His hair was one third dirty blond, one third royal blue, and one third short and fluffy, growing back in from being buzzed off. Gabriel was, so far as Sam knew, unemployed, and still a senior at twenty-three. There were visible tattoos trailing up under both shirt sleeves. He was pretty sure Gabriel had been arrested once or twice.

Dad would hate Gabriel Novak.

Sam didn’t know the other boy very well, only having interacted with him at a few theatre events, and what was more, he didn’t want to. Asking him to spend the two week break in Kansas might not have been the best idea, but the pros on the list greatly outweighed the cons. It was worth checking. He threw his things into his backpack as the class started to scatter and caught Gabriel’s arm on the way out the door. “Hey, can I ask you something for a second?”

Gabriel looked confused, but smiled anyway. “Sure can, handsome. This’s my last class.” They settled down on a couch in the hall as the other students streamed past them, and Sam tried to work out the best way to phrase his request.

“I need a favor.”

“Ah!” Gabriel’s eyes lit up gold with something eager and wild and just a little malicious. “Gabriel Novak, troublemaker extraordinaire, at your service. What can I do you for? Not that I’m implying you take such scandalous offers,” he added with a wink, and Sam sighed internally. This would be a hell of a Christmas.

Gabriel fished a cheap green sucker out of his backpack pocket, tossed the wrapper back in, and popped it in his mouth as he continued, “Anyway, can’t imagine a guy like you needs my shady finals help. Honor roll, aren’t you?”

Sam frowned. “Yeah. How’d you know?”

“I have my methods. You need something nicked? Vandalized? I’ll warn you now, I don’t touch the art building.”

“No, I was actually thinking something along the lines of a... prank, I guess. What are you doing over Christmas break? Going to see family?” 

“Sort of.” Gabriel sighed, his whole body almost deflating with the action. “I don’t live on campus, you know.”

“You don’t?” Sam had seen Gabriel crossing campus late at night, long after off-campus students have gone home. “Where do you live?”

“Technically? With my brother. But I like it better here, so I couch surf. Odds are I’ll have to find somewhere else to stay for break, with everyone going home and all. Usually I crash at the seedy motel downtown.” Gabriel tilts his head towards Sam, narrowing his eyes in thought. “If you’re staying over break though, pal, I could-”

“Not staying,” Sam interrupted. “I’m taking the Amtrak back to Kansas. But I had… kind of… a proposition.”

“Hit me.” Gabriel pulled the sucker from his mouth and leans in closer. Sam could smell apple on his breath.

“Remember when you convinced Kali’s family you were her boyfriend via facebook photos?”

“Hells yeah I remember. It’s almost too bad she came out. She made me look so good.” Sam half wanted to make a comment about how it should have been difficult getting laid when you’re facebook-dating a lesbian, but really, Gabriel’s personal life was none of his business. A few weeks from now and he’d hopefully never have to talk to the guy again.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t object to doing the same for me.”

“Why would I object?”

“I’m a dude.”

“And I’m bi.”

The conversation wasn’t making enough headway, and Sam was still hoping to get some library time before his last class of the day, so he decided to be blunt about it. “I want you to come home with me over break and pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Gabriel nodded seriously, putting the sucker back into his mouth and leaning back on the couch. “I could do that.”

Sam blinked. “You don’t… wanna know why?”

“You just came out as gay- no, bisexual,” Gabriel speculated. “Someone in the fam majorly objects and you want to piss them off. They won’t make a scene about it over family dinner, so now’s your best shot at subtly rubbing in that their opinion won’t stop you.”

“Wow. That’s, uh, dead on.”

“I’m good,” Gabriel replied. “So what kind of role am I going for here?”

“What?”

“You know, the part I’m playing. Devoted long-term ‘this is something serious’ boyfriend? Sloppy hookup buddy who can’t keep his hands off you for more than a few minutes?”

“I didn’t even think about it, honestly,” Sam responded. He hadn’t been expecting Gabriel to accept his offer so willingly, or get so involved in the part.

Gabriel rubbed his chin as though contemplating a business strategy. “What about a combination? I'm a handsy hot mess, but you’re totally in love and planning the wedding over dinner?”

Sam grinned despite himself. The idea of talking dreamily about their future while Gabriel rapidly earned the disapproval of his whole family was strangely entertaining. “I could definitely make that work.”

“I’ll play drunk, if you want. Talk about my prison tattoos.”

“Do you… actually have prison tattoos?”

Gabriel pulled the sucker from his mouth with a pop and pursed his lips. “No. But I’ve been to prison, and I have tattoos. I’ll make it work. So when do we leave? Next Wednesday?”

“After my last final,” Sam confirmed. “You don’t get bus-sick, do you?”

“No, but it’d be cheaper to drive. I have a car. You pay the gas, and we’re good to go.”

Sam scowled. “You can’t sleep in a car, someone has to drive.”

“So we get a cheap motel,” Gabriel insisted, standing back up and swinging his backpack onto his shoulder. “It’ll be fun, Winchester. Like a roadtrip.”

“Okay.” Sam pulled himself off the couch. “So… how much am I paying you for this fiasco?”

“You’re feeding and housing me, and that’s all I’m asking for.” Before Sam could even react, Gabriel planted a sticky kiss on his cheek and then whirled and headed down the hallway. Sam wrinkled his nose, rubbing the damp spot. Oh yes, Dad was going to be pissed.


	2. December 17th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who had "me uploading two days in a row" on their 2020 bingo card?

Sam doesn’t hear from Gabriel for a few days, and then gets a text out of the blue that can only be from one person.

“Hey hottie, we should chat?” His friend Charlie glanced at him from across the table, one eyebrow raised. “With a winkie face. Who the hell is this?”

Sam went pink and snatched his phone back. “Probably Gabriel.”

“Ew, you’re sexting Gabriel Novak?”

“No.” He typed out, " _Kinda busy. Finals. Just shoot me an email."_ and then turned back to his textbook, trying to regain his focus. He and Charlie, who had met freshman year and become fast friends, were in one of the campus study rooms, shutting out all distractions and keeping each other on track for their most intimidating finals. Until just now their resolve had yet to be broken, not even when Charlie's phone died.

  
“Sam. Please tell me you’re not actually dating Novak. And I need your phone back, I’m not done looking stuff up.”

“No, we’re just…” He sighed. “I’m getting him to do a favor for me, is all. He’s kinda overly friendly.” Sam slid the phone across the scattered loose leaf notes back to her side of the table.

Charlie resumed her research for a minute, then said, without looking up, “I’ve just heard some not that great stuff about him.”

“Oh, I know.”

“I heard he cheated on his last girlfriend,” Charlie mumbled. “I mean, I guess it’s just gossip, but like three different people told me-”

“I’d believe it.”

“And he stole stuff out of the science lab, that I know for a fact. Plus he got my friend in trouble because he stole an answer key and the teacher blamed it on the whole class.”

“Trust me, I’m not dating him. Or sexting him. He’s going to pretend to be my boyfriend to piss off my dad.”

Charlie let out a snort of laughter. “Serves your dad right.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s a dick. It’s just too bad I have to spend Christmas with him.”

“Wait, your dad, or Gabriel?”

Sam groaned. “Both.”

“Oh my god, you’re taking him home for break? All three weeks of it?”

“It’s two and a half weeks, and don’t remind me. He might leave after Christmas, though. We’re taking his car.”

“He texted you again.” Charlie announced. “I’m reading it.”

“Please don’t.”

Charlie, as he expected, didn't listen. “Ahem. ‘Babe we need to straighten a few things out. Not me or you though, we’re gonna get a whole lot gayer.’” She looked up. “Okay, I admire his dedication to becoming gayer, though. It’s a daily goal of mine as well.”

“I guess if we’re going to be fake boyfriends I have to get used to the pet names.” Sam shrugged. “I mean, he's a mess, but he’s not awful to spend time with. And I think we’re going to have a good time making fun of my dad.”

“You’ll survive.” Sam’s phone binged again and Charlie swiped to open the new text. “Oooh, in this one he addresses you as ‘Tootsie pop’.”

“I take it back. He’s awful.”

* * *

Tired of the barrage of texts, Sam cracked and agreed to meet that night in the library, which was open late into the night for students to get their last minute papers written. He spotted Gabriel’s bright blue hair from across the room with ease, and slid into the chair opposite his, dropping his backpack on the floor. “Hey, what did you-”

Sam stopped, caught off guard. Gabriel looked like a wreck. And not his usual devil-may-care hot-mess look. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, or showered in as much time. His usual eyeliner was smeared, his clothes were wrinkled, and there was pen ink scribbled up and down the untattooed portion of his left arm. Several days worth of stubble had grown in on his jawline. Were finals really hitting him that hard? He perked up at the sight of Sam, though. “You made it, honeybun.”

Sam made a face. “Okay, item number one on the agenda- stop with the sappy nicknames.”

“Come on, that’s the easiest way to signal that we’re comfortable with each other and super serious about all this.”

“There aren’t any other ways?” Sam leaned over, pulled a spiral notebook from his backpack, and started digging for a pen.

“Not without getting physical.” Gabriel teased. “But in all seriousness, if you don’t want everything about this to backfire, you're gonna have to at least plant a few kisses on me. Get used to that idea, cutie.”

Sam hadn’t particularly been thinking about that idea, but he didn’t think he minded. Gabriel wasn’t unattractive. In fact, Sam thought, glancing warily up from his backpack, Gabriel was kinda hot, if you were into short guys with impish smiles and messy blue hair and… soft brown eyes… Which Sam was definitely not. In any way. He turned back to his backpack, unzipped the front pocket, and settled for a pencil instead.

“Anyway, I just think we should lay out a little backstory, y’know, make sure our stories line up?” Gabriel paused to yawn widely, then lay his head down on the desk. “Got anything to start?”

“Dude, you look exhausted. Maybe we should worry about this after finals are over?”

“Eh, it’s not finals that’s got me down. I’ve already got those mostly wrapped up.”

Sam stared. “How?”

“Art student, angelcakes. Most of my final projects were due on the last week of actual classes. On finals day, we just talk about what we learned. Have snacks. Casually sketch.”

“That sounds awesome, actually. I didn’t know you were an art student.”

“You really think I’d fit in with any of the other majors on this campus?”

Sam thought for a moment, then said, “Theatre kids.”

“Touche. I do spend a lot of time with them.”

“I tried to do theatre for a few months. I’m, uh, not really cut out for it. Too many extroverts.”

Gabriel sat back up and looked at him. “Oh yeah, I forgot I used to see you hanging around the theater. Were you on stage?”

Sam shook his head. “In tech. I kinda miss it, but there’s no way I have time to get involved again.” He frowned. “So if you’re done with finals, what are you doing in the library?”

“Uh, funny story.” Gabriel scratched the back of his head, the shaved part. “Remember how I don’t actually live on campus? And people aren’t supposed to have guests during finals week?”

“Are you telling me you’re homeless?”

“Technically yes. I told Luke I wasn’t coming home for break and he got all pissy about it, so I’m just hanging out on campus until we leave Wednesday.”

Sam’s brows furrowed. “That’s like three more nights.”

“Yeah. But it’s finals, and people are napping all over the place. No one will notice.”

“Where are you gonna… shower? And eat?”

“The gym and McDonalds, respectively.”

Sam fought down the urge to take Gabriel home to his dorm immediately and wrap him in a blanket and feed him soup. He’d spent a few months of his own life, here and there, without a real place to call home, or anywhere to get a real meal. He and Dean had eaten way too many meals off the dollar menu at McDonalds growing up, which was fun when you were nine and less so when you were fifteen and growing at a rate of what felt like an inch a day. “You… sure you’ll be okay?”

“Perfectly fine. Now- should we say we met in theatre?” Gabriel had stolen a sheet of paper from Sam’s notebook and the pencil, but was chewing on the eraser instead of writing.

Sam wrinkled his nose and tried to ignore it. “Yeah, that sounds okay to me. How long have we been dating?”

“Start of the schoolyear, at least. You went to a theatre get-together at the start of the year because you still wanted to see some of your old theatre friends. I had just dyed my hair and was looking absolutely irresistible. We definitely had sex on the first date and you definitely think it was romantic that we just couldn't resist our deeply passionate connection.”

“Sounds like kind of an exaggeration.”

“No, Sammy, you’re just swooning over me. Everything we've ever done" - he pointed the pencil at Sam instructively - "is very romantic. I’m just in it cause you’re kinda cute and you fund my smoking habit.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how many packs a week, but definitely a few.” Gabriel chewed the pencil for another moment, then backtracked. “Okay, maybe not that many, I won’t be able to keep up the illusion around your family for more than a few days.”

“Don’t you actually smoke?”

“Not anymore. I started at like sixteen, but it was killing my voice, so I weaned myself off a few years later. I still have one now and then because nothing kills stress quite like it. Nothing legal, that is.”

Sam briefly wondered if that was why Gabriel had returned to chewing on the pencil, leaving tiny teeth marks in the painted wood this time. “So how about I’m funding your weed habit, which I disapprove of but keep giving you money for anyway because I love you.”

“Aw, shit, Sam. That’s really good.” Gabriel scrawled “weed” across the top of the paper and then put the pencil back in his mouth. “I don’t know how good you are at improv, but I think we’ve made a solid start on this whole dynamic thing. I think for anecdotes you don't want me to tell but I totally will after about two drinks, you’ve also bailed me out of prison, and driven me to the hospital for something really stupid-”

“You got a concussion while drunk and attempting a backflip,” Sam contributed. “That was last October. On Halloween, actually, we’d only been dating a few months.” The words are flowing easily now. “You were dressed as something sexy and it was also when I decided I wanted to marry you.”

“You’re getting the hang of it!” Gabriel pushed his hair from his eyes. “I was dressed as a sexy… firefighter?”

“Too cliche. Demon? It’d suit you.”

“Yeah, sounds good. We should have a couple pictures, in case you need to show us off.”

“Shit, pictures!" Sam's hopes deflated. "We don’t have any pictures up on facebook, or anywhere. No one’s going to believe we’re legit when we haven’t been in any pictures together the entire semester."

“I looked at your facebook. You don’t post that often anyway, and you could say you’re just trying to keep it quiet for the sake of uh… future academic plans. You going to law school, kiddo?”

“I mean, I hope so.” Two years seemed like an impossibly far away time to even think about. “I guess having pictures with my drunk boyfriend on social media would be a bad idea.” Something about that didn’t sit right with him, though. Maybe because if he ever had a real boyfriend, hiding it for the sake of admissions counselors who might have a problem with "that sort of thing" wouldn't even cross his mind. He’d spent so long playing the well-behaved, academically perfect, heterosexual golden child that it would be absolutely thrilling to show off a boyfriend.

Not Gabriel though. The reactions of his friends would be something else.

“So you’re playing it cool online for now. Seriously, though, we should have a few pictures. Friend me, and I’ll photoshop myself into a few group shots. Also, get your cute ass over here right now, I’m taking a couple selfie.” Gabriel pushed back his hair, wiped the smeared liner from under his eyes, and pulled out his phone.

“Right… right now?” Sam glanced around the library. It was mostly quiet down in their basement corner.

“Why not?” Tired of waiting, Gabriel scooted over to crouch next to Sam’s chair and press his cheek against Sam’s. Sam didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed before, but damn, Gabriel smelled amazing. There was a hint of smoke and sweat, but mostly he was sweet and fresh and almost woodsy. Maybe he was using cologne to hide the fact that he'd been camping out around campus?

“Give me that lovestruck grin, Winchester.”

Sam drew another breath of Gabriel’s scent and smiled, trying his hardest to make it look convincing. Gabriel snapped a few pictures, flipped through them, made a noncommittal noise, and held the camera out in front of them again. “Kiss my cheek this time.”

Sam looked up at Gabriel, moving in close- and stopped stock still when he found himself inches from Gabriel’s face, those brown eyes meeting his own, warm and encouraging- and for a second, Sam forgot that this wasn’t even real. He forgot that Gabriel wasn’t an adoring boyfriend, helping him prank his family. He forgot that he hadn’t even kissed Gabriel yet- he forgot there wouldn’t even be a yet, not for real. He forgot finals and grad school and what his friends would think and he imagined cozying up next to Gabriel every evening and listening to him talk about his art projects and-

Gabriel looked away and into the camera, and Sam kissed his cheek as he smiled cheesily. “That’s a keeper,” Gabriel said, tucking his phone back in his pocket. "I'll forward it to you."

And Sam thought, _what the fuck was that?_

“I’ll bump into you again tomorrow and we can take another when we’re wearing something else. I suppose I should let you study, huh?”

“Um. I guess. Yeah," Sam stammered out.

“Good talk, Sam. See you tomorrow!” Gabriel scooped up his own backpack and started out of the library, Sam’s pencil still in hand. Sam was left sitting alone, with his racing thoughts and vague confusion about what had caused them and a last whisper of Gabriel’s scent. And a piece of paper with “weed” written across the top. Couldn’t forget that.


	3. December 21st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my readers can have a little bed sharing. as a treat.

The air was unusually cold on the afternoon of December twenty-first. Sam shoved his hands deeper in his pockets and wished he’d worn another layer as he waited in the parking lot for Gabriel, who was taking his sweet time getting his things from his brother’s place. Being in California for so long had made him soft - it wasn’t even below freezing, but Sam couldn't help a slight shiver. Just as he was considering going back into his dorm’s entryway, a battered van pulled up next to him, and Gabriel rolled down the window. There was another sucker in his mouth and a pair of garish red and green sunglasses on his face. “Get in loser, we're going Christmas-ing.”

Sam rolled his eyes and threw open the passenger side door. “Took you long enough.”

“It’s not that cold. Where’s your stuff?”

Sam tossed his duffel bag over the seat and into the back of the van. “Right here.”

“That’s all you’re bringing?” Wow. Making me look bad here, Sam.”

Sam shut the van door and looked over his shoulder. Gabriel had heaps of stuff in the back, some of it in bags, some of it scattered around the van. “Dude. Is that a mattress?”

“Yeah. Remember how I’m part time homeless?”

“It just looks sketchy as hell.”

Gabriel put the van in gear - it made a clunk that Sam did not like one bit - and started out of the parking lot. “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted sketchy as hell. I thought that was the look you were going for.”

“Yeah, but like… a van mattress? That’s a tier above.”

“Just think. We’ve fictionally fucked back there so many times.” Gabriel turned out of the campus street into traffic, unusually heavy because of all the holiday.

“Gross, no!” Sam protested, laughing a little. “Fiction me still has standards. We can fictionally fuck somewhere else.”

“Yeah, like where? Your dorm room that has not one, but two roommates? My brother’s couch? I’m thinking the mattress wins out.”

“Why not like… the art building basement or something? I feel like that’s very us.” He regretted his word choice immediately - _u_ _s?_

Gabriel grinned cheekily. “Why Sam, I didn’t know you had an exhibitionist kink.”

“A- a what? I don’t,” he protested.

“Yeah, you totally do. All good boy on the outside and kinky fuck on the inside. Which is exactly how I like ‘em.”

He shot Sam a teasing smirk and Sam punched his shoulder playfully. “Yeah, whatever. Eyes on the road.”

“If you’re worried about the roads now, just wait until we hit the mountains. And the snow.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m so cold and we’re heading somewhere colder.”

Gabriel reached over and turned up the heat ever so slightly. “So how is Kansas? I’ve never been.”

“Uh… full of corn, mostly. It’s the midwest.”

“I’ve never been east of Salt Lake City.”

“Really? I’ll warn you now, it’s a lot less scenic than California, but the winters are pretty spectacular. We don’t always have snow, but when we do, it looks so good. You can see for ages because it’s so flat.”

“You think there’ll be snow at Christmas?”

“We’re there for a couple weeks, so probably once or twice. Unless you want-”

“Oh shit, Sam, I forgot! Christmas!”

“What about it?”

“Sam, if you’re a dedicated, loving boyfriend like you're telling the family, you'd better have a gift ready for me!”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I’ll just... say it’s something I want to give you in private.”

“Which sounds like either sex or an engagement ring.”

“Oh, like you have so many good ideas.” Sam folded his arms, leaned back in the passenger seat and pouted. There were turning out to be way more complications to this plan than he’d previously thought of. Christmas gifts, the fact that he didn’t know any of Gabriel’s interests beyond art and possibly alcohol, the sheer amount of time they would have to spend together, the expected midnight kiss on new year's...

“Look, I’ll wrap up something of mine and try to make it look new, and you can gift it back to me," Gabriel suggested.

“And what are you getting me?”

Gabriel laughed. “A box with a hole in it, held at hip level.”

Sam spluttered a laugh despite himself and gave Gabriel’s shoulder another playful shove. “No, shut up!”

“Hands off the driver, bucko. I want to make good time. I’m hoping to make it to the land of the Mormons by bedtime.”

“Salt Lake City? That’s like twelve hours away!”

“I believe in us.”

Sam stole a glance at the speedometer and noticed that Gabriel was going about ten over the limit. “We’re gonna die.”

“No. I brought snacks. And breakfast for tomorrow.”

Sam sighed. “Okay, but if you get too tired, I’ll take a turn driving, I promise.”

“That’s sweet.”

He couldn’t tell if it was sincerity or very well wrapped-up mockery in Gabriel’s voice, but it felt like a good place to end the conversation. “I’m gonna take a quick post-finals nap. Wake me if you need anything, okay?”

“Got it, hot shot.”

“I mean it. Don’t hesitate.” Sam yawned and let himself slump further down in the seat, and before more than a few miles had passed, he was nodding off.

* * *

Sam jolted awake after several hours of turbulent, dream-filled sleep. It was dark outside now, and Gabriel was singing along softly to "Last Christmas" on the radio. How long had be been asleep? Sam sat up, rubbing his eyes, and tried to say both, ‘where are we?’ and ‘what time is it?’ at once, meaning what he actually said was, “Where is it?”

“Where’s what, sugar?”

“Us.”

“Well, we just blew through Elko, maybe an hour ago, but we haven’t hit Utah yet.”

“Elko…” Sam mumbled sleepily, trying to process where that was. Elko… Nevada. Which was… Sam sat bolt upright, locking his seatbelt and straining his shoulder muscles. “I slept for nine hours??”

“You sure did.”

“You should have woken me,” Sam said. “Now my sleep cycle is going to be a wreck.”

“But you looked so peaceful! I’m guessing you pulled an all-nighter last night?” When Sam nodded, the corner of Gabriel's mouth turned up. “That’s cute.”

“Cute this,” Sam grouched, “I need to piss.”

“Yeah. I could stand another leak myself. There’s a Love’s up ahead if you can hold it for five more minutes.”

“You must have stopped to gas up,” Sam realized. “Did I sleep through-”

“Like a baby,” Gabriel confirmed. “Look, I’m sorry if you wanted me to force you to be awake, but I thought it would be easier anyway, since you don’t actually like my company that much, and we’re kinda trapped in tight quarters for a while.”

Sam was silent for a moment, digesting that statement. “What makes you think I don’t like you?”

“Oh, come on. It’s pretty obvious you’re not crazy about me. It’s okay, we don’t have to be best friends.” Gabriel shrugged.

“I know.” Sam looked over at him, but Gabriel steadfastly kept his eyes on the road, which was dark and mostly empty and brutally flat. “I’m not saying we have be best friends either, I just don’t want us to spend this break despising each other. Or thinking we despise each other.”

“And I’m not saying you despise me. I’m saying I can feel the distaste ooze off you whenever I get cozy. Or whenever I mention that I just camp out around campus instead of having a dorm room. Or, uh, I dunno,” Gabriel continued, hackles starting to raise just a little, “whenever I talk about doing anything outside of your parent-approved, honor-roll lifestyle-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam cut him off with more irritation than he intended. Did Gabriel forget why Sam was dragging him home and letting him stay in his house for the next few weeks? Certainly not for parental approval.

“Come on, Sam." Gabriel pulled off the highway onto an off ramp. A yellow Love's sign glowed in the distance. "You go to all your classes, study, do all the assigned reading. What do you do on the weekends, community service? Go to the gym?”

“Yeah, you know what, I do! Unlike you, I'm guessing.”

Gabriel stopped a little too short at the stop sign at the bottom of the ramp and they both lurched forward. Theirs was the only vehicle on the road at this hour, and for a few seconds that felt like minutes, they stayed still, van interior enveloped in silence, stark and sudden after the noise of the highway. Finally Gabriel said quietly, “Look, I know I’m carrying a couple extra pounds, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“What?” Sam blinked over at him, then realized. “Oh, the gym, I didn’t mean…” Sam suddenly felt like an awful, awful person; guilt settled in his chest, heavy as a rock. Gabriel was doing him a favor, and Sam had been nothing but unpleasant and judgemental towards him. The whole conversation with Charlie flashed before his eyes - the way they'd gossiped with no hesitation; the distance he'd immediately put between Gabriel and himself when Charlie thought they were sexting; his unwillingness to go public with their hypothetical relationship because of his reputation. He swallowed and started again, more sincerely this time. “I was talking about community service. I’m really sorry if it came off as something else.”

Gabriel had started driving again, towards the yellow glow of the sign. “No, you're okay. I shouldn’t have snapped. Or assumed.” Sam didn’t reply, and after a minute he continued, “I volunteer at the animal shelter twice a week.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I’m a huge animal lover- dogs especially, but the cats have wormed their way into my heart somehow.”

“Hey, me too,” Sam said, trying to re-establish camaraderie. “I used to have this incredible dog- a retriever mix of some kind.” His eyes drifted back to Gabriel as they pulled into the gas station and the white fluorescent light flooded the van. Gabriel’s comment about extra pounds indicated he was a little more insecure than he let on, but he definitely wasn't rough on the eyes - from his hair, which Sam had really warmed up to, to his still stubbly face, to his slightly soft figure.

“Yeah, I know. I spilled mustard down the whole front of my shirt,” Gabriel grumbled, clearly interpreting Sam’s staring as critique. “Driving and eating at the same time ain't easy.” He parked the van at one of the gas pumps and looked over at Sam for the first time since he’d awoken. “Speaking of, you’ve gotta be starved.”

The abrupt eye contact sent tiny shiver down Sam’s spine. “Yeah, sure,” he replied, barely hearing himself. He’d just been checking out Gabriel. _What the hell?_ Sure, they’d been talking about banging before Sam had drifted off, but that was _fictional_. That was about fictional Sam and fictional Gabriel, and Sam definitely didn’t like fictional Gabriel.

“Earth to Sam?” Real Gabriel waved his hand in front of Sam’s glazed over eyes. 

“Sorry.”

“I said, I’m gonna fill up the tank, and you’re gonna fill up your stomach.” When Sam nodded in comprehension, Gabriel unbuckled and slid out of the van. Sam did the same, then stood there stupidly in the cold air, watching Gabriel start putting gas in the tank. “Don’t just stand there, it’s cold!” Gabriel shouted, and Sam knew what he needed to do. He practically jogged into the gas station convenience store, and after using the bathroom and picking out a foil-wrapped chicken sandwich for himself, he meandered over to the junk food aisle and waited there until Gabriel went past into the restroom.

When Gabriel rejoined him at the van, Sam was standing by the driver-side door, finishing his all-too-small sandwich. “You driving?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah. You deserve a break.” Sam threw the foil into the trash bin by the pump and scuffled his feet against the cement for a moment, then stepped forward and threw his arms around Gabriel, who let out a little huff of surprise but hugged hum back. “Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot that you’d throw away your whole Christmas on my stupid family.”

“Hey, it’s no problem.” Gabriel’s voice wavered a little, but then he regained control, pulled his head back from Sam’s chest, and grinned. “Besides, you’re feeding me.”

“Speaking of,” Sam cleared his throat and opened the van door. “I got you something.”

“Something edible?” Gabriel rounded the van and got in the passenger side, and Sam presented him with a plastic bag full of junk food. “Oh my god. Sam, I think I might actually be in love with you.” He slammed the door and started rummaging through the bag with fervor.

Sam went pink and started the van. “You can sleep, if you want. I just looked it up and we’re still about two hours out from Salt Lake City.”

“Yeah, I could go for a nap, too.” Gabriel was already tossing back handfuls of skittles, and Sam wondered how the sugar rush wouldn’t keep him awake. “You sure you'll be okay without a navigator?”

Sam nodded, and Gabriel shrugged, put the candy in his lap, and was asleep before they were even back on the highway.

At close to two am, Sam finally called it quits. “Gabe.” Sam nudged the other boy with his free hand. “Gabriel, find us a hotel.”

“Ugh. We can’t sleep right here? Just park somewhere and snooze?”

“No.”

“You can have the mattress.”

“It’s forty degrees out.”

“Fine, shit.” Gabriel dug his phone out of his pocket and started searching. “There’s a town coming up. Lemme see if- nope, shit, that one’s a ghost town.”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.” He looked up at Sam. “Get it? Dead, cause it’s a ghost-”

“Yeah I get it. How are you this cheery when you just woke up?”

Gabriel ignored him. “Half an hour to Magna, which is a real town and not a ghost town, with real hotels. I’ll keep you entertained, if you want.”

“How?”

Gabriel grinned. “Did I ever tell you about when I had a presentation due the next day but decided to go to the ocean instead?”

—

Sam was still laughing when they pulled into the parking lot of the chosen hotel half an hour later. “I still can’t believe you got stung by a jellyfish.”

“Yeah, neither did the professor, which is how I almost failed economics halfway into the semester.”

“Oh my god.”

“I did fail economics, but that wasn’t why. I just bombed the final three months later.”

Sam parked and turned the car off. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah. It sucked a lot. I was living with my brother because I didn’t have a lot of friends back then, and the idea of having to repeat any of it was awful.”

“Is your brother really that bad?”

“Yes.” Gabriel didn’t say anything further, and Sam didn’t pursue it.

“Oh.”

“I’ll go in and book a room if you grab our stuff,” Gabriel offered. “And don’t worry about the money. I’d be out a lot more if I had to stay in Cali over break.”

By the time Sam had hoisted their bags from the back seat, Gabriel had checked them in and was already headed down the hall towards their room. Despite his long nap in the afternoon and evening, Sam was about ready to faceplant again, which was probably why, as he trailed Gabriel into the room, he didn’t look at it that closely. He threw the bags down near the bathroom door and kicked off his shoes. “I’m showering,” he announced. “See you in a few.”

A few minutes turned into nearly twenty because of how good the hot water felt- and how plentiful it was compared to his dorm’s pitiful showers- and Sam stepped out of the shower warm, sleepy, relaxed, and ready to tuck into bed. It was at this point he realized the room didn't have a second bed.

Gabriel was curled up and dozing in the room's sole bed, but Sam prodded him anyway, careful to keep one hand on the towel around his hips. “Gabe.”

“Nn. Yeah?” Gabriel rolled over sleepily, revealing that he was just as shirtless as Sam.

“This room has only one bed.”

“Yup. It was cheaper than two.”

“Where am I supposed to sleep?”

Gabriel scooted to the far side of the bed and patted the space where he’d been lying. “Warmed it up for you.” Sam's face must have given away his disgruntlement, because Gabriel added, “Come on, Sam, don’t give in to the straight boy mentality. I don’t bite.”

Sam sighed. “I just like my space. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit tall.” He was definitely not about to book another room, so he gave in and started digging through his duffel for a clean pair of boxers. He might sleep naked on his own, but there was no way he was doing it next to Gabriel.

He stepped into the steamy air of the bathroom to brush his teeth and trade the towel out for his shorts, and Gabriel called over to him, “Sam. How big is your bed at home?”

“A full. Why?”

“Think with me here, sweetie-pie. How weird does it look if you bring your devoted boyfriend home for Christmas and then make him sleep on the couch?”

Sam froze, one foot through the leg of his boxers. “Shit.”

“Yeah, dumbass,” Gabriel laughed. “This king bed is gonna be nice and spacious compared to the rest of break.”

“I didn’t even… think of that.” Sam had, in fact, been imagining Gabriel sleeping on the den couch just outside his bedroom. But Gabriel was right, there was no way that would fly. Sam pulled his t-shirt on over his head and brushed his damp bangs from his face.

“Like I said,” Gabriel said, “I don’t bite. Unless you want me to.”

“Oh, ha ha, never heard that one before.” Sam came back around the corner and stood, looking down on Gabriel. He was already half tangled up in the white hotel bed sheets, and they only came up to mid abdomen, showing off shoulders that were a lot broader than they looked when he was clothed. There were also freckles scattered across his upper arms and chest, and Sam caught himself staring again for a second before awkwardly looking down at the hotel carpet. He was starting to wonder if he'd concentrated too much on grades last semester and not enough on his nonexistent sex life if just seeing Gabriel shirtless was stirring his interest.

“Actually, I’m dead serious- you want a hickey?”

“Excuse me?” Sam’s gaze jerked back up quickly, matching his escalating heart rate.

“Nothing says ‘I’m rebellious and my boyfriend has no sense of decency’ quite like showing up to Christmas with a hickey." Gabriel sat up in bed, letting the sheet slide down to his waist and revealing the top edge of a pair of bright red boxers. "Get that gorgeous bod of yours over here.”

Despite the t-shirt, Sam suddenly felt very, very naked. “I dunno.”

“You can say no if you want to. But I think it’d be hysterical.”

“I’ve… I’ve never had a hickey before.”

“Seriously?”

“No. They’re just so…”

“Trashy?”

“Tacky, is more what I was, uh, going for.” Gabriel had clambered to his knees and crawled to the edge of the bed, placing him at nearly eye-to-eye level with Sam, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You’re doing this right now?”

“Again. You can back out. At any time.” Gabriel’s fingers slid gently through Sam’s wet hair, pushing it back. “But just cause we’re not dating doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun, you know.”

“I know.”

“Good nervous or bad nervous?” Gabriel purred, still caressing Sam’s scalp.

“I’m not nervous.”

Gabriel slid his hands down to grip Sam’s biceps and leaned in, tilting his head, and Sam could feel Gabriel's stubble brushing against the exposed part of his shoulder, warm breath against the pricked hairs on the back of his neck, and Gabriel’s bare chest just barely touching his own, only separated by the thin cotton of his t-shirt. Gabriel kissed his chosen spot first, a bit of skin just above Sam’s neckline, and then nipped it while Sam stood stock still, hands clenched at his sides, willing himself not to reach up and touch, not to press his hands against Gabriel’s back and pull him in closer.

Gabriel’s lips left his skin for a second, but then returned as he bit down slightly and sucked, and every other sensation went spiraling away- the carpet, plush beneath his bare toes, the hum of the heating vent, the same woodsy scent he'd noticed on Gabriel the other day. All he could focus on was Gabriel's mouth, hot and sharp against his sensitive skin. Sam shut his eyes tight, then snapped them open again when Gabriel pulled away to admire his work.

“It’s just pink now, but hopefully it’ll be a little purple-y red by tomorrow, really call attention to itself.”

“Yeah.” Sam mumbled, trying to pretend that wasn’t the hottest thing that had happened to him in months.

“Feeling good about this, champ?”

“It kinda hurts, a little,” he admitted, reaching up to rub his thumb over where Gabriel had left the hickey.

Gabriel laughed. “No, I mean are you still cool with lying to your family? Since we’re gonna see them tomorrow.” Gabriel sat back down on the bed and slid towards his side.

“Oh.” Sam drew a breath. He’d barely thought about what it was actually going to be like to see the stunned looks on his family’s faces. He’d told them not to worry about picking him up from the train station because he’d arranged a ride with a friend going the same way. Dad would be horrified, of course, but he wouldn’t want to make a scene when they had other relatives over. And Dean… Dean would be surprised, but not necessarily by the fact that Sam had a boyfriend. Dean would be surprised that Sam hadn't told him about it. “Yeah, I think so. It’s going to suck lying to my brother, but he’s not a great actor. I need his initial reaction to be genuine. Maybe after Christmas dinner, I’ll tell him the truth.”

“Up to you. Lights off?”

Sam climbed into bed and swung his legs under the covers. “Sure. Good night, Gabriel.”

Gabriel clicked the bedside lamp off and cozied himself in under the comforter, ending up with his back pressed to Sam’s side. “Sweet dreams, kiddo.” He was asleep, snoring softly, within minutes.

Sam slowly let the tension ease out of his body, relaxing against Gabriel in the darkness. This was going to be a hell of a ride, but at least now, after the conversation they'd had today, he felt like he wasn’t going in alone.


	4. December 22nd, Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly Time for Chaos ft. Punk!Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split this chapter in half so it's a little shorter than the last one! Comment to feed the writing machine in my brain so the next one is done sooner. This is also the first thing I have written completely in 2020, my post "too depressed to function break" era. I think I've still got it.

Sam woke up bright and early the next day to the sun streaming in the hotel window, the smell of fresh coffee, and the absence of Gabriel’s body against his. He sat up, pushing his bangs back into place, and noticed Gabriel across the room, gazing intently in the mirror near the door. “What are you doing?” he asked, voice still gravelly with sleep.

“Checking out the view,” Gabriel shot him a quick grin over his shoulder, and Sam immediately noticed he’d been doing more than that. His right eyebrow, septum, and lower lip now sported shiny gold jewelry, and he was wearing a good deal more eyeliner than normal. His hair was wet, slicked back, and Sam could see that he had some piercings in his upper ears too, including a long golden bar shaped like an arrow.

“Oh, oh wow,” Sam stammered as Gabriel turned back to the mirror and resumed fiddling with the jewelry in his eyebrow. “How long did that take you to do?”

“Half hour or so. I made coffee if you want some, but there wasn’t any creamer left so I’m stopping somewhere anyway.” Seemingly satisfied with his work, he turned to face Sam and held out his hands in a gesture of presentation. “What do you think? Delinquent enough for you?”

In addition to the piercings, Gabriel had donned a dark grey leather jacket over a faded green t-shirt that read “Do Crimes”, a pair of very tight skinny jeans that were shredded over the thighs and knees, and black boots with dull brass studs and a thick platform heel. His side shaved hair, which Sam had always thought looked kind of weird, now perfectly completed the look. Sam swallowed hard. Gabriel was _hot_ , and it was way too early in the morning to be reflecting on what that meant. He’d never found the “bad boy” type all that attractive, but then again, a year ago he’d thought he was straight, so maybe he didn’t know his type as well as he thought he did. Maybe delinquent punk was his type. He really hoped it wasn’t.

Gabriel had continued talking while Sam gawked. “I also brought a choker that’s kinda kinky looking but I say, why give it all away on the first look, y’know? Save some scandal for Christmas dinner.”

“Right.” Sam pulled himself together enough to get out of bed and pour some coffee from the tiny decanter into a to go cup. “You’re awful cheery for someone who got less than six hours of sleep.”

“Fun fact about me, I run purely on passion. If it’s boring I won’t do it.” Gabriel was digging through his duffel and emerged with a banana and a snickers bar, both of which he started peeling. “But if it’s interesting, like putting in all my piercings at the same time, which I haven’t had a good excuse to do in ages, or thinking about ways to destroy other people’s religious holiday experiences…”

Sam spluttered on his first sip of coffee. 

“Then it takes priority over boring stuff like sleep,” Gabriel finished, taking a bite out of first the banana and then the candy bar.

“Please do not destroy the entire holiday experience.”

“Relax, I’m not that powerful. Yet. Want any?”

“Pass.”

“Savoring these last few hours before we share the same mouth germs?” Gabriel raised his eyebrows in Sam’s direction, which only drew Sam’s attention back to the two tiny hoops, side by side on his brow.

“What the hell are you eating anyway?” Sam asked.

“Snickers and banana is a classic combination.”

“Classic to _who_?”

“Me. Now put pants on. As much as I love looking at you half naked, it’s nearly freezing out.” Sam must have pulled a face in response, because Gabriel continued, “You also need to put on a lot better response to my flirting if we’re gonna sell this.”

“That wasn’t flirting,” Sam protested, “It was just bossing me around and telling me I’m hot.”

“Which is exactly what gets plenty of people going,” Gabriel purred. “But if you’d rather boss me around, I can absolutely work with that.” 

Sam’s face went warm. “I’m getting changed.” He grabbed the first shirt and pair of jeans he spotted in his duffel and darted into the bathroom before standing around in his boxers could give anything away.

* * *

  
Gabriel, it turned out, had gotten him a matching shirt and left it on his duffel, and he hadn’t noticed until it was too late to change. Which was how Sam ended up in a Starbucks ordering himself a bagel and Gabriel a peppermint mocha in a bright red shirt that said “Be Gay” across the chest. His jacket, which was now just a little too narrow in the shoulders, didn’t quite hide it.

“I can’t believe you made me go in,” Sam bitched as he climbed back into the van. “The baristas don’t like it when you out-gay them, I think.”

“I told you, the window’s just a little frozen this morning or I would have gone for the drive through. Did you get the extra-”

“Extra whipped cream, like you asked.”

“Aw, thank you, honeybee.”

“Honeybee.”

“Helloooo, getting into character?”

“Let’s just get driving. Please.” The early hour and his anxiety about going home were starting to catch up to Sam. Gabriel took a long sip from his mocha before putting it in the cup holder, but made no move to shift the van back into gear. Finally Sam added, “Please, sweetheart.”

“That’s what I’m looking for!” Gabriel turned up the radio as they peeled out of the parking lot, blaring “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” as they merged back onto the highway. For a few hours there was comfortable conversation, both of them discussing trips they’d taken to Salt Lake City and then trips they’d taken elsewhere. Despite never venturing far from the west coast, Gabriel had been to a lot of places, including a long camping trip in the woods outside Vancouver, most of an internship at a design firm in Portland, and a stint working as a bartender at a gay bar in San Diego.

Clearly the two day road trip he and Sam were embarking on was nothing new to him, considering how many places he’d impulsively visited, or tattoo artists he’d gone miles out of his way to get an appointment with. Sam had noticed he had tattoos on his arms and back last night, but hadn’t gotten that close of a look. He made a mental note to get a closer look the next time the two of them got changed. 

“So I’ve dished, what’s your deal?” Gabriel asked as they pulled out of a drive-thru outside Laramie, Wyoming, a bag of hot roast beef sandwiches and curly fries in Sam’s lap. They were making remarkably good time, Sam noticed - likely because Gabriel was going consistently above the speed limit in a way that had Sam white-knuckling the side of his seat whenever there was a bend in the road. He was grateful they hadn’t entered the Rockies yesterday when he’d been trying to sleep.

“My deal how?” Sam bit into his first sandwich.

“Y’know, places you’ve been, how you ended up halfway across the country for college, who’s in the family I’m going to meet, that kinda deal.”

Sam decided to start with the easiest question first. “My immediate family is just my dad and my older brother, Dean. They run a towing and repair business just outside Lawrence; they’ve had it for…” Sam trailed off, trying to remember. His dad had purchased the business not long after his mom died - he always referred to it as a fresh start for the family, which Sam hated. It hadn’t been a fresh start for him, just the reason he grew up with Dean doing the majority of his parenting. “Probably sixteen years or so,” he concluded. “It’s their pride and joy, the family trade.” Sam pointedly rolled his eyes.

“Let me guess. They can’t figure out why their second son is the black sheep who doesn’t want to stick around-”

“-and help run things, yeah.” Despite their newly formed relationship, Gabriel was strangely intuitive about picking up on Sam’s family dynamic. “Dean’s happy as a clam because he loves cars and hates book-work, so he graduated high school and went right to working on cars twenty-four seven. That’s his vibe, by the way. Cars, beers, classic rock, being kind of dick to women.”

Gabriel nodded. “Straight bro shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be sure to hit on him a lot.”

Sam snorted. “Watch yourself. He’s not above throwing a punch.”

“Aw, but Sam, he wouldn’t do such a thing _on Christmas_ , would he?” Gabriel shot Sam a faux innocent glance before turning his attention back to a curve in the road that would have sent their lunch sliding to the floor if Sam hadn’t caught the bag.

“Maybe not, but you’re still going to be here on December 26th. And that’s when my Aunt Ellen leaves. I think she’s the only person capable of bossing both him and my dad around. She's his older sister.”

“Ah, yes, the sibling dynamic. Anyone else staying over?”

“Her daughter Jo; she just started college. And our uncle Bobby, who isn’t actually our uncle but worked at the shop for over a decade and used to watch me and Dean when we were little sometimes. He’s going to stay over a night or two I think. He retired a few years ago, so I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Scale of one to ten, how religious is this family?” He stuck his hand in the paper bag for a handful of fries, and Sam scooted it to his thigh to avoid thinking about the proximity between Gabriel’s hand - broad, nails painted with subtle light gold glitter - and his dick.

“Probably a three? A four? They definitely don’t attend church regularly or anything but they’re culturally very Christian, you know?”

“The religion of the all-American family?”

“Exactly. My mom…” Sam closed his eyes, remembering the little shelf in the living room that Dean affectionately referred to as ‘Mom’s shrine’. There were a few portraits of her, family pictures that included her, a stack of her books, and a few trinkets his dad hadn’t been able to give away, including several angel figurines. He couldn’t remember if they were connected with any particular religion. “She was into angels, I know that much.”

“Was,” Gabriel remarked.

“She died when I was a baby.” There was quiet in the van for a little bit, just the sound of miles of highway ebbing away beneath the tires, the crinkle of wrappers.

“Well, that sucks ass.” Gabriel broke the silence. “Tell me something happy now or you’ll ruin my festive mood.”

Sam laughed. “Okay. Next semester I’m taking a piano class just because I had space in my schedule. I’ve never been able to do that before.”

“Best Christmas memory, go.”

“You’re really into the holiday, huh?”

“If I get very excited about the present moment at every possible opportunity, I can avoid the looming realization that human life is ultimately meaningless and hedonism is the only way to get through it.”

“Jesus.”

Gabriel grinned, jokingly putting just a hint of fear in his voice. “Mentally I’ve cottoned on but I’m keeping my emotional state in the dark for now.”

“I mean, I don’t think life is meaningless," Sam said thoughtfully. "I don’t know about heaven or whatever, but helping people, improving things, connecting with others - that’s meaning.”

“God, you are sa-a-appy.” Gabriel turned and stuck out his tongue at Sam.

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted something happy?” Sam quipped back. “Anyway my best Christmas memory was when Dean saved all his money to buy me a saucer sled that Dad said I was too little for and then we immediately crashed it into a wall and Dean got a concussion.”

“Congrats, you win best answer anyone’s ever given me.”

“For that question?”

“For any question.”

* * *

  
Sam was starving by the time they reached the familiar backroads leading to his childhood home west of Lawrence. They’d gotten cheap tacos a few hours ago, but not nearly enough of them. It had been dark for what felt like days but was closer to six or seven hours, but it was so much harder to keep track of time when the terrain they were crossing was so flat. He and Gabriel had spent the time when it was still light playing “I Spy” and bickering about what did and didn’t count as orange, but as it grew darker they’d started talking about concerts they’d been to (Sam had been to none), and then bands, and then other media they liked. Gabriel’s taste was trash except for where it overlapped with Sam’s and as much as his legs were cramping, he could have stayed in the car for hours. His initial annoyance about putting up with Gabriel all week was quickly melting away.

They pulled into Sam’s driveway at just past eleven, nearly two hours ahead of Sam’s mental schedule, and when Gabriel switched off the ignition, the silence was overwhelming. Campus was never quiet. There was always the chatter of someone passing by in the hallway, the rush of traffic a block away, the wail of sirens off in the distance. Here in rural Kansas, in early winter, there wasn’t even the hum of frogs and insects that came with summer. Occasionally a car would pass by on the highway, headlights like tiny pinpricks of light, or a gust of wind would rustle the few bare trees in the yard, but tonight was still.

It was dark too, until a light flicked on over the porch. Someone had heard them arrive. Gabriel put his hand on Sam’s arm in the darkness, and Sam’s already nervous heart stuttered. “Last shot. You’re sure about this?”

“You’re already in the driveway, I think it’s a little late.”

“I could say I have family in the area, that I’m dropping you off, and go stay at a motel.”

Sam felt that desire to wrap Gabriel in a fleece blanket again, picturing him sitting alone in an empty motel room. “I’m not going to leave you alone for Christmas.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I don’t even celebrate it religiously, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not going to leave you alone for three weeks,” Sam countered. “Besides, we’ve come this far.”

“Alright.” He abruptly leaned across the center console and kissed Sam’s cheek, then pulled the keys from the ignition and smiled wickedly at Sam, the porch light glinting in his eyes. “Time for chaos.”

And Sam wondered what the _hell_ he was about to unleash on his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone who draws them in the "Be Gay" and "Do Crimes" shirts is my new best friend


	5. December 22nd, Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Chaos but it goes sideways and now we're all a little emo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to have this like, FINISHED by Christmas but quarantine brain, y'know? 
> 
> Also, some content warnings for discussion and depiction of familial emotional abuse, brief discussion of physical abuse and alcoholism. Nothing you wouldn't see in a PG-13 movie, but I always warn for any common triggers at the start of each chapter (and if there's anything specific you need warned for you can always reach out to me on tumblr!)

Stepping out of the passenger side into the night air, Sam was surprised how chilly it was. There wasn’t any snow on the ground, but it was certainly below freezing out, and his breath formed into clouds in front of him. Sam hadn’t been home since last Christmas, which had been a much… simpler time. He’d excitedly told his dad and brother about all the classes he was taking next semester, bragged about this 4.0 from the previous one, showed them pictures of his then girlfriend, Jess. He’d done the same things the family did every year - decorated the tree with Jo, traded terrible gifts with Dean, helped decorate cookies.

The festivities provided a convenient excuse for Sam and his dad to very pointedly not talk about the things they’d said to each other earlier that year, and the months of radio silence that had followed. Sam had worked his ass off to get into college with generous scholarships, and all Dad had cared about was having to hire someone to keep the books at the shop. The two of them would get into arguments that slowly escalated into shouting matches until Dean intervened, desperate for some peace and quiet. Dad had told him if he left the shop to never come back, then apologized and taken it back, then told him he was a family embarrassment, then gruffly said he was proud when dropping Sam at the Amtrak station to head west. His first semester he’d spent speaking only with Dean, letting his brother pass news to dad. 

Last Christmas they hadn’t fought once. It had felt like a glimmer of hope. And then in March, when Dad had said he didn’t want Sam in the house any more, it shattered.

Sam hoped it would be Dean waiting for him on the front porch, but as he shouldered his duffel and turned towards the house, he could tell it was his dad. “Hey,” he called, closing the van door behind him.

“You need help with the bags?”

“No, I’m good.”

There was a dreadfully awkward quiet moment. Gabriel was still on the other side of the van, sorting his essentials into his backpack. Sam scuffed his boot in the driveway, his dad shifted his weight, rested his hand on the porch railing.

“Is, uh-” Sam started at the same time his dad said “How was-”.

Another pause.

Sam opened his mouth to try again but was interrupted. “I wanted to apologize,” his dad said, “for what I said, earlier.” The words were stiff, ill-fitting, but spoken without a hint of insincerity. “I lost my temper and said things I didn’t mean.”

“Oh,” Sam said, caught off guard. He could count on one hand the number of times his dad had apologized to him.

“You’re always welcome in this house, no matter what choices you make or how I feel about them. You’re my son and I’m happy you’re here for Christmas.”

The dread in Sam’s heart was slowly starting to recede. Maybe he could have a good holiday after all. “That’s great, Dad. Thanks.”

“Well don’t just stand there, I’ve got the front door open, the heat’s escaping.”

At that moment Gabriel slammed the driver’s door, rounded the front of the van, and came into view of both of them, and the dread came roaring back. “Well hello-o-o, handsome. Mr Winchester, I presume? Based on the resemblance to this tall drink of water?”

He crossed to Sam and gave him a quick slap on the ass before continuing, “Well I’m fucking beat, so we can get to know each other tomorrow.” A quick wink towards the figure on the porch that Sam was sure got lost in the darkness.

“Sam. Who the hell is this?” his dad asked, his arms folded over his chest.

Sam swallowed hard. He’d imagined this being so triumphant, his moment of proud rebellion and vicious satisfaction, but he had a knot in his stomach as he forced himself to grin down at Gabriel. “My boyfriend.” Gabriel grinned back. “Hope you don’t mind.”

This seemed to flabbergast his father, who shifted his weight from boot to heavy boot and said nothing.

“You take this in for me, sugarbun, I’m gonna have a fucking smoke.” Gabriel tossed his backpack into Sam’s arms before stepping a few yards away, pulling a cigarette and lighter from his pocket, and lighting up.

Sam’s dad descended the stairs to stand directly in front of him. He wasn’t as tall as Sam remembered, although that did nothing to quell his nerves. “Why the everliving hell would you bring him?” He hissed, trying to keep his voice down enough that only Sam could hear him.

“He wanted to come with.” Sam shrugged. “I didn’t want to say no.”

“You said nothing about this when I said you could come.”

“When Dean said,” Sam was unable to resist correcting.

“It’s my house, I say who can stay for Christmas, and I would not have allowed this if you hadn’t lied by omission to disobey my wishes. You knew I would have said no way in hell.”

“You haven’t even met him.”

“I’ve seen enough.” 

“So you’re going to judge _my_ partner based on your preconceived, stereotyping-”

“Oh here we go,” his dad rolled his eyes, voice having grown gradually louder to the point Sam was sure Gabriel could hear them. “Tell me more about how I’m in the wrong and you’re always in the right. Go on.”

“I’m not always right, I just-”

“You just what?”

“I’m just right, right now,” Sam asserted.

“He looks like you met him at some kind of freak show. We have the whole family coming over - people from out of state, people we see once in a blue moon - and you’re going to tell them you’re off at your fancy school learning to be a big-shot lawyer, and you’re dating some criminal.”

Sam sputtered angrily. “He’s not a-” 

“He is according to his shirt.”

“Dad.” Sam drew a frustrated breath. “It’s a meme phrase, it doesn’t mean-”

“It’s like you’re trying to purposely piss me off Sam, why do you always do this?” His voice had risen to not quite a shout, and Sam matched it.

“Do what, Dad? Live my life the way I want without consulting you? I don’t know, maybe because I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life?”

“I am your father; don’t you yell at me.”

“Don’t you yell at _me_!” Sam spat.

“I don’t know why I keep trying with you,” his dad yelled, pressing a finger to Sam’s chest. “because every time I think-”

“Uncle John?” Both men whirled towards the new voice. Jo was standing on the porch, clearly having just gotten out of bed. She was barefoot, dressed in a hoodie and flannel pajama pants, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “What’s going on, why are we yelling?”

“Nothing, kid.” Sam’s dad started slowly ascending the porch stairs, as though the argument had sapped all the energy from his body. “Sam and I got in a little argument. I didn’t wake your mom, did I?”

“No,” she replied, “Still asleep.” Her gaze shifted to Sam. “Hey! Good to see you again! How’s the west coast?”

“Warm.” Sam climbed the stairs as his dad disappeared in the front door and wrapped Jo in a tight hug. “How’s Iowa?”

“Flat.” The two of them cracked a smile at her joke. “Should I ask about…” she glanced towards the door behind them, then back at Sam.

Sam shook his head. The full day’s accumulated exhaustion and the stress of what had just happened was starting to hit. “It was stupid anyway, I had to explain that something was a meme.”

“And who might you be?” Gabriel had returned from his cigarette, climbing the stairs and eyeing Jo hungrily.

She made a face. “You tell me first.”

“This is my boyfriend, Gabriel,” Sam cut in before Gabriel could turn Jo completely against himself.

Jo turned to him, mouth slightly ajar in shock. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

“He’s… new,” Sam fumbled. “I just got him.”

“What, at the boyfriend store?” Jo teased.

“No, at school.”

“I wanna go, tell me where it is.”

“At _school_ ,” Sam repeated. “We’re both very tired and need to go sleep immediately.” He started shepherding Gabriel towards the front door.

“Yeah, sleep,” Gabriel said sarcastically, then gave Jo an exaggerated wink as he allowed himself to be pushed along.

She snorted. “Ew.” 

* * *

  
The house was exactly as Sam remembered from the last year he’d been home, down to the sparse decorations and the tall, bare fir tree standing in the living room, its scent wafting all the way into the entryway. Jo said good night and went back into the family room where she and Aunt Ellen were staying on the pull out bed, closing the door behind her. The door to his dad’s room was closed as well, and the kitchen and living room were dark. Upstairs, the light was on in the little den between his and Dean’s bedrooms, and Sam wondered if Dean was still up, or if the commotion outside had woken him up. He hoped it was the first, that Dean had his headphones on.

His bedroom was exactly as he remembered it too, and just as sparse as the decorations. He hadn’t left much behind when he left for college; a few shelves of books deemed too heavy to make the trip, a few boxes of accumulated knick knacks and school memorabilia in the corner. He’d wondered idly throughout the past several months if his dad would have tossed this stuff, but it had been left undisturbed. The walls were bare, painted slate grey, and the wooden floorboards were cold without the rug currently on the floor of his dorm room. Gabriel dropped his duffel next to the bed.

“Wow, whoever lives here? Zero personality.”

Sam knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but was too tired to properly appreciate it. “I took all my stuff to school.” Sam put his duffel down next to Gabriel’s, shrugged off his jacket. “You hungry?”

“Starved.”

“I’ll go grab us something.” 

The idea of settling into bed right now was impossible, and he just wanted a moment to collect himself, alone. Sam headed downstairs and into the kitchen, but was disappointed to find he wouldn’t get that moment. Dean was leaning against the counter, headphones on, eating a sandwich in the dark. He looked up when Sam flicked on the light.

“Hey, Samantha.”

“Hey.” Sam started digging around the fridge, pointedly ignoring being called “Samantha”. He was not going to cut his hair, no matter how much Dean hated it.

“You get lost? The barber shop is fifteen miles up the road.”

“Dean.”

“Alright, alright. Touchy.”

Sam found a bin of cookies towards the back of the fridge, pulled them out, and started transferring a dozen to a plate. “Dad and I already had a fight and I got here ten minutes ago. I’m… not in the best mood.”

Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “You guys gotta stop doing that. What about this time?”

“I may have, uh,” Sam paused to pour milk into a mug before continuing, still not looking at his brother, “brought my boyfriend home with me.”

Dean’s jaw dropped. “You absolute son of a bitch, you didn’t.”

“I did.” He shot Dean a quick grin before closing the fridge and moving to the cupboard for hot chocolate mix.

“You know this is only going to cause a hell of a mess, right?”

“Yeah, but I can’t let that stop me from living my life.”

“But you couldn’t have made this mess over, I dunno, arbor day or something? Christmas is supposed to be my time off.”

“Dad closed the shop?” Sam moved the cold cocoa to the microwave.

“Well yeah, for a couple days. But I meant my time off from dealing with the two of you bickering non-stop.” He finished his sandwich, pitched his paper plate in the trash. “Come on man, you promised we’d have a fun, conflict-free Christmas, like Whoville.”

“They had conflict, the grinch stole all their stuff.”

“But they celebrated anyway, Sammy. They celebrated anyway.”

“Okay, so we’ll celebrate. I think tomorrow when Aunt Ellen is awake he won’t want to start any fights, so he can sit and fucking stew if he’s so mad about it.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, microwave humming. Dean drained most of a water bottle.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, softer than before.

“About Gabriel?”

“If that’s your boyfriend’s name, yeah.”

“I dunno. I guess I just didn’t want you to tell Dad and start trouble when I wasn’t even going to be there to handle it.”

“I would never tell Dad anything you didn’t want me to, you know that.” Dean was speaking casually, but he seemed slightly hurt, and Sam felt bad, just for a moment, about lying to him.

Then he remembered how viciously Dean had pranked him in the past and thought about how hard he’d laugh when Sam revealed the truth after Christmas, and plowed forward. “Honestly, things have just happened so quickly and I’ve been so invested in the relationship, I barely had time to tell you about it.”

“You didn’t have time for a ‘ _night out with new bf’_ text?”

“I wanted to explain it more thoroughly, it’s not that simple,” Sam protested, taking the mug from the microwave before it beeped so as not to wake Aunt Ellen. “This is so much more meaningful and profound, it’s been life-changing.” Sam tried to sound as sincere as possible.

“Look I get it, you’re exploring your sexuality, this first relationship feels like the most important thing that’s ever happened, but it’s probably just regular.”

“Maybe you don’t get it.” Sam added whipped cream to the top of the cocoa. “I think once you meet him you will.”

“Okay.” Dean slapped Sam on the back affectionately and just a little painfully as he walked past to head upstairs. “Good to see you, man.”

* * *

  
When Sam returned, Gabriel had already changed into a sweatshirt and was sitting up in bed, one side of his face illuminated by the bedside lamp. Sam offered him the plate and mug - payment for what he was starting to realize might be kind of a miserable trip for the person his whole family was meant to dislike and look down on.

“I brought cocoa. Extra whipped cream, like you like.”

“Aw, that’s sweet, thank you.” Gabriel accepted the mug and took a long sip. “You should eat something too, Taco Bell was like a week ago.”

“I’m not hungry.” Sam sat on the edge of the bed, pulled off his shoes.

“It’ll settle your stomach,” Gabriel insisted. “Going to bed stressed or hungry sucks, but both at the same time? That’ s just making yourself miserable.”

Sam caved and took a cookie off the plate sitting on the bed between them. “I’m really sorry you had to hear all that.”

Gabriel hand-waved his apology away. “It’s fine. Sticks and stones, y’know? It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Sam pressed. “You shouldn’t be treated like that. You’re a person and you deserve to not be yelled at, or about, especially when you’re a guest here. And instead of standing up for you, all I did was escalate things.” Gabriel didn’t reply, and when Sam glanced over, he was looking at Sam with an intensity that caught him off guard. “What?”

“Nothing.” Gabriel took another sip of cocoa. “This is really good, did you use milk?”

Sam nodded. There was another moment of heavy silence until Sam finished his cookie, grabbed his things out of his duffel, and went to brush his teeth.   
The light was off when he came back, breath minty fresh, dressed in his thickest sweatshirt. He’d forgotten how cold it was in the drafty upper floor of the house. Gabriel was curled under the blankets, facing the wall, side slowly rising and falling, and Sam clambered in next to him. It was, as Gabriel had pointed out that it would be last night, pretty cozy, but he didn’t mind Gabriel’s proximity when it added to the warmth under the covers. They murmured awkward good-nights, and for a few minutes they lay still and quiet.

“Did you uh, want to talk about it?” Sam finally asked.

Gabriel rolled over to his back, and out of the corner of his eye Sam could see his face in profile, lit only by a glimmer of moonlight breaching the drawn blinds. “About what? About us being in bed together once again and you not buying me a single dinner?”

Sam grinned. “What’s there to talk about?” A smile flitted over Gabriel’s lips, too. “But I meant what you said earlier, about nothing you haven’t heard before.”

“Ah.” He was silent for a moment.

“You don’t have to.”

“My brother and I get into the exact same fights, is all. Down to the ‘don’t yell at me, it’s my house’ bit. Every time i come home with a new piercing he says I look like a damn degenerate.”

“I think they suit you,” Sam offered.

“Thanks.” Gabriel drew a deep breath and then continued, “He gets drunk and angry, and then he says things he doesn’t mean. So I feel like your daddy-o is the same. Hopefully with less throwing objects at your head, though.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t tell anyone I said that, though,” Gabriel insisted. “He’s got a reputation to uphold and I do not want word getting out that I’m like, a pitiable figure. My reputation is being cool and badass.”

“What’s his?”

“Oh, he’s trying to be a somebody in business journalism, write about the stocks or whatever. It’s mostly our dad whose cred I’m worried about. Not to brag, but he’s a pretty well-known figure. He used to teach part-time at Stanford, but he retired a few years ago, so I think before your time. You ever heard of Charles Novak?”

“No.”

“Of course you haven’t, but I bet you’ve heard of Chuck Shirley.”

Sam scrunched his nose, thinking. “He’s an author? Is that your dad’s pen-name?”

“Bingo.” Gabriel rolled over again, facing Sam this time. “Anyway that’s how I got a free ride to Stanford and they’re not allowed to kick me out even after I failed multiple courses for being a chaotic asshole. I’m inescapable.”

His face was close enough that Sam swore he could feel the warmth of his breath on his neck. “I wasn’t going to ask, but I was really hoping I’d find out. I mean, you’re not exactly rich.”

“I’m what’s known as a _legacy,_ Sam.” He put a hand dramatically on his chest, imitating aristocracy. “I’m a descendant of importance, what my father leaves in his wake.” He laughed bitterly. “Some legacy, huh? A drunk and a screw-up?”

“And you,” Sam offered.

Gabriel cracked up, genuinely this time. “No, Sam, honey, I’m the screw-up.”

Something about ‘honey’ made Sam’s heart speed up as he turned his head to meet Gabriel’s gaze. “Oh. Well, I don’t think you’re a screw up.”

“Yes you do, or you wouldn’t have invited me to be your screw-up boyfriend.” He gave Sam a crooked grin.

‘Boyfriend’ didn’t help. “I don’t think you’re just a screw-up, then. I mean, we’ve been together for two days - not like, together-together,” Sam corrected quickly, “but in the same space-”

“Together,” Gabriel purred, “go on.”

Sam glanced back up at the ceiling to steady himself. “-and I was totally wrong about you being a dick, and us having nothing in common.”

“Thanks.”

“And I think you’re pretty great, at a lot of things.”

“Okay, now you’re milking it.”

“I’m serious.”

“This will not get you out of buying me dinner.”

Sam laughed softly. “Good night, Gabriel.”

Gabriel cozied himself in closer, resting his forearm on Sam’s bicep. “‘Night.” 

Despite the way that touch was making him feel, Sam was asleep the moment he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear the next chapter will have way fewer daddy issues and way more smooching. they needed to plow through it in order to set up themes that will come to fruition later in the story. comment with your fave themes! in this fic or just like in general!


	6. December 23rd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never wanted to go to the mall so bad in my LIFE oh my GOD
> 
> no warnings for this chapter just good clean fun

Sam awoke to the bright, unrelenting sunlight streaming in his east window, making a mockery of last night’s moonlight. The sun was just cresting the horizon, and according to his phone it was barely eight in the morning. He swore under his breath and vowed to remember to close the curtains that night so he could sleep in on his time off. The temperature in the room wasn’t helping; even the thick comforter and fleece blanket on his bed weren’t enough to keep his skin from prickling. Gabriel was still sound asleep, seemingly oblivious to the bright light brushing across his face and sparkling brightly in the gemstone of one of his earrings. He’d rolled over to face the wall again, and the empty space between them was particularly cold.

Sam debated for a minute and then remembered how entirely unconcerned Gabriel had been about personal space the past two nights and squirmed closer to press his chest fully against Gabriel’s back, resting his forehead against the back of Gabriel’s head and gingerly wrapping his arm around Gabriel’s sleeping form. For a moment he held perfectly still, waiting to see if his movement and touch would wake Gabriel up, but when Gabriel continued snoring softly he relaxed, pulled the covers up higher over both of them, and allowed himself to drift back off into a doze.

His next awakening was much more abrupt - someone knocked loudly on the bedroom door, and he jolted up off the pillow. “Wake up sleeping beauty,” Dean called from just outside, “we’re going into town and we can’t wait all day.”

“I’m awake, I’m awake,” he grumbled back, loud enough for Dean to hear. 

Next to him, Gabriel stirred and rolled over so his head rested on Sam’s chest, faded blue hair clinging to Sam’s sweatshirt. He glanced up at Sam. “I gotta say, it’s been a while since I woke up as little spoon. And here I thought you liked your space.”

“I was cold,” Sam protested, face warming slightly with embarrassment. “It’s gotta be like sixty degrees in here.”

“Yeah, about that. I’m small and I get chilly. You should tell your dad to crank the heat up here.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “He won’t do it. He just says if I’m cold I can-”

“Put on a sweater,” Gabriel finished with him. “My dad always said the exact same thing. Why do all dads share like, a universal language?”

“Hive mind,” Sam commented idly.

Gabriel seized with laughter for a moment, head thumping against Sam’s chest. “You can’t just say things like that, there are implications,” he wheezed.

“Like what?” Sam asked, grinning. 

“If I have a kid do I become part of the hive?” He propped himself up on his elbows, face inches from Sam’s, hair still mussed with sleep. “What if I lose custody of my kid, do I get to stay on as like, a dire warning to the other dads? ‘Change your ways, or behold what a wretched thing you may become!’”

“Like a- a Jacob Marley figure for shitty dads?”

“A who?”

“In a Christmas carol? The ghost of Scrooge’s partner who tells him to stop being a greedy asshole?”

“Scrooge had a partner? Damn, good for him,” Gabriel said with absolute sincerity, then beamed at Sam expectantly.

“Dick,” Sam responded with a grin, shoving his shoulder against Gabriel’s hard enough that he toppled back onto the bed.

He bounced right back up though, sitting cross-legged and looking over at Sam. “Anyway, what are we up to today? I need to plan my look.”

Sam shrugged, sitting up as well. “Dean said we’re going into town, so I imagine some shopping? And then we need to get the tree decorated.”

“This is so sappy and wholesome, I love it.”

“I thought you were going to destroy it?”

“The bigger they are the harder they fall, Sam.”

“I think maybe,” Sam teased, “you’re unironically enjoying the family festivities.”

“They haven’t even started yet.” Gabriel had leaned forward, towards Sam, propping his elbows on his knees, and Sam realized with a jolt that he’d unconsciously mirrored him, bringing their faces close. “Don’t get me wrong, I love being festive. It’s just your uh…” He trailed off, flicked his tongue over his lips for a second.

“My family’s dedication to an outwardly perfect Christmas at the expense of genuine connection?” Sam finished the sentence for him, glancing between Gabriel’s gaze and his lips and down to the mattress and back to his lips. 

“That. I want to destroy that.” Gabriel abruptly reached up and pulled a hair off Sam’s sweatshirt, a dull blue one. “Two nights and I’m already shedding on you.” He offered Sam that cocked smile again and Sam drew a breath, his brain realizing a few seconds after his body that he was about to do something horribly rash.

Sam leaned forward - lips parted, head tilted slightly - and Gabriel did the same. But when there were merely inches between them, before anything good could happen, there was another heavy knock at the door, and Dean pushed it open. Sam pulled back on reflex but Gabriel instead threw his arms around Sam’s neck and hauled himself into Sam’s lap before Sam could stop him, resting his hands on Sam’s chest.

“Come on, Sammy, the rest of us are waiting,” Dean complained, then spotted Gabriel and stopped short. “This is the boyfriend, I presume?”

“That’s correct, but I can be not the boyfriend if you’re free tonight,” Gabriel said, voice suddenly dripping with lust. “You say the word.”

Dean blinked, taken aback, stammered for a second, then said “Well, I’m uh, flattered, but I’m not gonna say it. The word, I mean. I don’t swing your way.”

Sam had never seen him so off guard, and he leaned into it. “Good, because we already had plans tonight, right baby?” He wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s waist loosely, hesitant to make the touch too sexual.

Gabriel ignored him. “You’re Dean, right? I wasn’t told you were like, walking sex.”

“Yeah, I’m Dean. Did you… hickey?” He was gawking at Sam’s neck, now visible without his jacket on.

Gabriel ignored this too. “I love a man with freckles. You let me know if you ever change your mind about swinging this way.” He glanced at Sam and added, “Also for legal purposes, this is a joke.” He added an exaggerated wink that left it completely unclear if it was a joke or not.

“Great. Okay.” Dean had regained a bit of his composure. “I want to be back while it’s still light out, so get moving, lovebirds.”

Sam nodded, pushed through his nerves, then slid his hands down to rest on Gabriel’s ass. “Yeah, we’ll be right out, just give us like, fifteen minutes.”

Dean scowled. “No.” 

“Ten,” Gabriel countered, “I have a smart mouth but it’s also talented.”

“No,” Dean said, more forcefully this time, as he left the room and pulled the door behind him.

Sam and Gabriel watched him leave, frozen in place until they heard his heavy bootsteps going downstairs, and then burst into silent, stifled fits of laughter. “Oh my god, he hates you,” Sam choked out. “You pushed every one of his buttons.”

“I’m a professional.” Gabriel clambered out of Sam’s lap and rifled through his duffel for his toothbrush. “Can’t wait for tonight when I’m definitely going to get fake drunk and try to give him some little mistletoe kisses.”

“I’m telling you, he’s gonna deck you,” Sam protested, but Gabriel had already left for the bathroom, rolling his eyes at the warning.

It wasn’t until the door closed behind him and Sam was alone with his thoughts that it hit him. They’d been a few seconds away from kissing - with absolutely no audience and for no reason - simply because their back-and-forth had gotten flirty and they’d been curled up together for warmth.

What the _fuck_.

He distinctly remembered thinking just few days ago that he definitely didn’t like fictional Gabriel. Real Gabriel wasn’t that much different; Charlie had mentioned he’d cheated on his last girlfriend, and just now he’d pretty expertly tried to cheat on him with Dean, while sitting in his lap. Fake cheat on him, obviously, but still. He needed, Sam thought, as he pulled on clean jeans and a thin sweater, to set some boundaries for this whole affair. Partition his emotions for real Gabriel, a casual acquaintance doing him a favor, and fake Gabriel, his trashy boyfriend, into separate parts of his brain. Stop touching him when they weren’t putting on a show, stop telling him deeply personal things, stop thinking about how hot all those stupid piercings were. Boundaries.

* * *

  
“Shotgun!” Jo yelled, racing ahead of the others as the group headed towards Dean’s car.

“Come on,” Sam complained. “You know there’s more leg room up there.”

“Yeah, but I’m not that short anymore either,” Jo pointed out, pulling open the passenger side door. “I think I’m taller than your boyfriend.”

“Most people are,” Gabriel said. “It’s fine, I’ve come to terms with being a short king.” His shirt today was a pattern of daggers, scattered over a peachy pink background.

“I think you’re the perfect height.” Sam ducked into the back seat, and Gabriel slid in next to him. “I wouldn’t change anything.” He gave Gabriel some very blatant lovestruck eyes, but if he noticed, he didn’t respond.

“Sweet ride you’ve got here, Dean-o. Clearly a lot of work went into that chrome trim… and these bench seats?” He let out a low admiring whistle. “Christened them yet?”

“What?” Dean asked, starting the ignition.

“Have you made sweet love to a man or woman of your choosing back here?”

“Ew, I don’t want to know that,” Jo cut in.

“I like women,” Dean stressed. “And no.”

“Sam, maybe later tonight you and I can come out here and make sure someone is making good use of these leather seats.”

“I want to say no, but…” Sam bit his lip for effect, “you know I can never say no to you.”

“I’m saying no!” Dean said. “No a million times, I will lock these damn doors if I have to.”

For a few minutes there was an awkward lull in the conversation. Jo tuned the radio to a Christmas station over Dean’s objections and they all listened to Holly Jolly Christmas in relative silence. Gabriel’s hand was resting on Sam’s thigh as he flipped idly through his phone and pretended he was well-practiced in ignoring it. He fired off a quick text to Charlie: _Mistakes have been made_.

“Where are we going?” Jo asked finally as Dean rolled through a stop sign and made a right turn.

“Sunset Heights and then the grocery,” Dean replied.

“Wouldn’t it be faster to go north?”

“I’m picking up Cas.” He cleared his throat, glanced in the mirror back at Sam. “You remember Cas, right?”

“I’ve been gone for a year, not a decade,” Sam said. Cas was Dean’s best friend in high school, and was now finishing up a degree in Lawrence.

“Roommates went home for the holidays. Sucks being by yourself on Christmas, y’know?”

“Ooo, who’s Cas?” Gabriel asked. “She someone special?”

“He,” Dean emphasized, “is my best friend, and if you do anything to make him uncomfortable, I’m never letting you see Sam again.”

Sam sighed. “Dean, we go to school together, you can’t-”

“I will find a way.”

When they pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building - Heavenview - Dean looked over at Jo and then jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the backseat.

“Come on,” she protested.

“Best friend outranks calling shotgun, sorry. Driver’s rules.”

“I don’t bite,” Gabriel offered.

“You clearly do,” Jo grouched as Sam slid over to the middle seat so she could sit next to him.

“I only bite Sam,” Gabriel said, “and only because he likes it when I do.” He leaned over and gave Sam’s shoulder an affectionate nip, then finding the tough canvas of Sam’s jacket apparently difficult to bite, rested his head on Sam’s arm instead. 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas had slid into Jo’s old seat. “Sam,” he nodded towards the back, “and Jo, right?”

“Hey Cas,” Sam smiled at him warmly as Jo greeted him. Dean’s friends hadn’t always been his favorite people growing up, but the only one that really stuck around past middle school was Cas, who Sam had always liked. He was quiet, with a dry sense of humor, obscure interests, and perpetually mussed dark hair. He was also bluntly open about his emotions in a way that threw Dean’s joking avoidance completely off kilter, which Sam loved to watch.

“Yet another lumberjack, is there something to this Kansas thing?” Gabriel piped up.

Dean sighed. “Sam has a boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Cas looked back at the three of them, slightly cramped due to Sam’s broad shoulders. “And how has that gone over?”

“Bad,” Sam said, at the same time Dean snorted derisively. Cas’ gaze shifted to Jo, who pulled a face.

“I think it’s going great,” Gabriel said cheerfully. “No one’s complained about my tattoos yet, which I think of as a win. Or asked about any of my felony charges!”

Cas buckled into the front seat. “Drive, please.”

* * *

  
After a quick stop for coffee at Gabriel’s insistence, they stood in the entryway of the best mall in Lawrence. Sunset Heights was, despite its name, built on the flattest piece of land available. Every December, it was decked out with brightly lit artificial trees, fluffy white cotton snow, heaps of battered boxes wrapped up like presents, and playing non-stop Christmas tunes. With just two days until Christmas, the place was bustling with last minute shoppers, wrapped up in scarves and hats despite the relatively warm weather. The smell of soft pretzels drifted through the air, reminding Sam of both his childhood trips here - saving his money to split a pretzel with Dean, wandering the bookstore and writing down the titles of books to request from the library, admiring things in store windows he could never afford - and the fact that he hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast.

“Alright gang, let’s uh, split up and look for clues,” Dean declared as they surveyed the crowds. “I need to get things for both of you,” he pointed at Sam and Cas, “so maybe you two go one way?”

Gabriel threw an arm around Dean’s shoulders. “And the two of us will go the other.”

Dean ducked out of his reach and shoved Gabriel away, and Jo stepped between the two of them before they could continue their squabble. “And I’ll keep the two of you from getting into a fistfight.”

Sam and Cas watched the three of them set off, bickering amongst themselves, and started walking in the opposite direction. “So what do you need to get?” Sam asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“Oh, I’m all finished with my shopping. I was just hoping to spend some time with Dean. But I’m not averse to some time with you as well. I understand you’ve been doing well at Stanford?”

Sam nodded. “Great, yeah. Busy.” He felt bad for not keeping in touch with Cas at all over the past year, only hearing about him on occasion when he spoke with Dean. He was Dean’s best friend, but Sam had shared plenty of good times with him too, and Cas never complained about Sam being a dumb kid the way Dean did when he didn’t want sixteen year old Sammy tagging along. He was one of the first queer people Sam had known in person, years before he knew about himself.

“Tell me about your boyfriend,” Cas prompted.

“He’s, ah…” Sam wrinkled his nose, thinking. “I didn’t think he was my type at first, but we started talking at a theatre event and turned out we had a lot in common.”

“Ah. He does strike me as someone you would find in theatre.”

“How so?”

“Loud and forward.”

Sam cracked up. “Yeah, that’s Gabriel.” He stopped at the mall directory, glancing over the list of stores. “I still need to get him a gift. I didn’t have a chance while I was at school because we’re kind of attached at the hip. But he’s kind of hard to shop for, his taste is kind of eclectic.”

“Whatever you get him I’m sure he’ll appreciate it since it’s from you,” Cas offered. “He seems very taken with you. Despite his repeated attempts to seduce Dean.”

“It’s just a stupid joke, I swear. He’s trying to push Dean’s buttons.”

“I see. He’s doing a good job.”

Before Sam could reply, something across the mall floor caught his attention: a rack of ugly Christmas sweaters. He abandoned the directory and practically ran over, weaving his way through the other patrons with Cas several steps behind. “Do you think he’d like one of these?”

“I did just meet him today,” Cas said dryly.

Sam rifled through the patterns until he spotted a navy one with gold sparkles that made him think of Gabriel’s gold piercings. A pattern of stitched green stripes and white snowflakes decorated the front, and the cuffs were the same bright green. The knit didn’t feel particularly high quality but it was thick and warm. He wavered. Maybe Gabriel wasn’t a sweater person? Maybe he should get something edible so it would be gone and Gabriel wouldn’t have to remember this stupid trip any longer than a few weeks afterward.

“I hope you are aware there are marijuana leaves on that one,” Cas offered.

Sam spun it to look at the front again and sure enough, what he’d thought were holly leaves were tiny weed symbols instead, and Sam let out a snort of laughter, remembering the meeting he and Gabriel had held to discuss their fake relationship. That evening felt like ages ago, even though it had been less than a week. “I have to get it now, it’s so tacky.”

“He will find this tackiness funny?” Cas asked.

“Oh, absolutely,” Sam said, pulling the sweater off the rack. It was a size too large, but none of the others had the sparkles woven in that had initially drawn him. Maybe it would shrink in the wash.

* * *

  
An hour later, Sam and Cas were sitting outside Cinnabon finishing up baked goods and chatting when he heard Jo call from across the mall. “Sam!” He whirled to see her and Gabriel several yards away. “Sam, catch me!”

Sam put down his bag, handed Cas his coffee, and stood up. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Jo took a running start across the polished floor and leapt into his arms bridal style, and Sam spun her around, her feet nearly hitting Cas in the head. “Yes, thank you!” she said giddily as he put her back down. “This is why you’re my favorite.”

“Damn, I wish you could do that to me,” Gabriel remarked, strolling over with a few bags in one hand and a smoothie in the other.

Sam shrugged. “Put your Jamba Juice down.”

“I’m too heavy,” Gabriel said dismissively, but Sam took the cup from his hand and passed it to Jo anyway.

“No you’re not, I promise.”

Gabriel looked him up and down, wary but intrigued. “If you break my ass, I’ll be pissed.” He put a hand on Sam’s shoulder, and Sam scooped him up before he could hesitate any further. “Oh my god,” Gabriel said, wrapping both arms tightly around Sam’s shoulders. “This isn’t even like, hard for you.”

“Nah.” Sam grinned. He hadn’t had the chance to show off how much he worked out in ages, to anyone. He’d fallen out of the habit during finals, but most mornings he started the day by listening to an audiobook at the campus gym, and watching Gabriel get a little flustered was the payoff.

“I didn’t think you could… I… strong.” Gabriel’s face, a few inches from his own once again, had gone slightly pink. “Wow. And you’re my boyfriend!”

“Yeah. Weird that you didn’t know I could do this.”

“Where’s Dean?” Cas interrupted.

“Looking at some tech thing with a lot of specs or whatever,” Jo answered. “We can probably go find him by now, Gabriel and I went into a jewelry place for a bit.”

As they gathered their bags and went in search of Dean, Sam’s phone buzzed, and he fell a step behind the others to answer. Charlie had replied to his text: _how much are you regretting all of your decisions right now? lol_

Sam typed back: _Actually it’s not too bad now. Gabriel and I get along better than I thought._

Charlie: _still, its GABRIEL_

Sam responded: _He’s not as much of a dick as rumor suggests. And he’s been really fun._

Charlie: _oh god he’s gotten to you. he’s seduced you._

Sam sent back an eye rolling emoji and shoved his phone back in his pocket. Gabriel had most certainly not gotten to him. Besides, just this morning he had established new boundaries; he was handling things. For a moment he stood alone and watched Gabriel tease Jo until she threw her head back and laughed, and steal sips of Cas’ iced coffee. He smiled fondly.

What was the harm of a little crush, anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sorry for my "almost kissing" crimes. also I KNOW it's way past Christmas at this point, but this story has really expanded to have some good stuff in it beyond its original purpose, Christmas fluff, so please bear with me! Things are going to get very good very soon...

**Author's Note:**

> aleatoryw.tumblr.com, come be pals!
> 
> If you need more Christmas fluff NOW, I wrote a complete piece called "All is Calm and All is Bright" a few years back, it's still up on my works page!


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